Goodbye My Friend

I have been scouring iPhoto for the last 20 minutes trying to find a picture of Calvin Stuart, the cat, so I can memorialize him here.
I can't find one that isn't blurry..and now I am more depressed than I was because I realize I have four years worth of pictures that I have done nothing with..
If I just carry the laptop around and let people scroll through the pictures, we have some really nice photos of the kids.
Shit balls.
So tomorrow we, WE as in ME, are putting Calvin, my 18 year old cat to sleep.
When I called to make this appointment, the secretary asked politely, "So this will be a euthanasia consult, then?"
"Um ok, I guess."
So that means we will look at the cat and DECIDE if he's FIT to be put to sleep..ugh.
"May I ask how old he is?"
"18"
"Never mind.."
As in, there will be no consult, we will just be doing the deed.
Ugh.
I am not sad yet because I haven't begun the "grieving" process. Right now, I am in the denial phase.
Wait. That's step #1, I take that back.
But I am sure tomorrow will just be an effing train wreck.
Calvin has moved 15 times, broken off two engagements, divorced once, survived 5-6 "poor choice" relationships, had two other cats and a few dogs move in on his territory, delivered three babies, and married a husband who prefers Koi fish.
He has lived a loooooong life.
He has been everywhere I have been for the last 18 years.
I mean he has SEEN IT ALL.
But I am not a big believer in keeping animals until they are hopping on one paw and sucking blended cat food through a straw.
I love him, but I don't want to see him suffer.
And so tomorrow I will hold him and pet him and thank him for his loyalty, love, and companionship.
It's going to be terrible I know.
Will would like to take him back to Wisconsin in a cooler and bury him in the family's pet cemetery.
What a nice gesture:
Except for the travel time with the 3 children in the car, the fact that Maren will get hungry and open the cooler thinking it's "snacks" and Calvin is not a native of Wisconsin, he was born on a farm in central Minnesota.
So plan B is to bury him out by the bird feeder next to the fence, his favorite "cat lurking" place.
I think we will try to do this at night so the neighbors don't wander over...
You realize what it could turn in to..
"Whatcha got there Will?"
"Ya plantin' somethin'?"
"Ohhhhhh....ya know, my sister had a cat like that once, but we just threw it in the....."
Sigh. At night..definitely at night..