Forty-Blue

Ok so I don't know what the hell my problem is (don't answer that) but tomorrow I turn 42 and it's really bothering me.
I mean I don't feel good.
I have a friend who's theory is that if you have a problem with your birthday, it's because you don't have your shit figured out.
Great.
I felt really good last week.
All of a sudden I have hit the skids...
I would like to blame it on the LOUD TENNIS MOM, but blaming somebody I don't even know seems super lame.
And really, it's not that at all..
I just have kind of a pit in my stomach.
This is what I mean when things are a roller coaster for me.  A lot of people don't get this way. I envy them.
 Really what I have to do is just hold on and ride.
I kind of want to close my eyes right now, but I suppose then I will miss some of the scenery:
Keegan reading to his brother, Will wrestling with the 3 kids in the front yard, Maren drawing hearts with chalk on the driveway..
I always get through it.
It's pouring rain right now..how metaphorical..sigh.
"Mom, the tree frogs need rain."
Scenery. Keep your eyes open, Melissa.