And he was. He was the most precious adorable baby with his little upturned nose, and his smooshy mouth, and those clear clear eyes that started out blue and turned the most interesting green I have ever known.
When it was just Keegan, Will, and I things were a struggle at times, but life seemed a lot easier.
That does not mean that I don't love our daughter, Maren Vada, more than life, but when you only have one child, it is so very different, and in hindsight, so very very easy. But Keegan made life easy. He slept through the night at six weeks, he had a sweet easy temperment. He didn't fuss.
When Maren came into our lives, things became a little more complicated and yes, absolutely more filled with love, adventures and sleepless nights, and fussiness and all the things we hadn't experienced with Keegan.
At times, I have felt incredibly guilty because Maren has taken up so much of our time. Keegan had to become independent in some ways. He wasn't our baby anymore. I have lain awake at night missing what I had with Keegan. I don't know if that sounds strange or not, but it's my feeling.
I have never doubted that Keegan could do anything he wanted to. I have never doubted his ability to adapt, to persevere, to thrive.
I have doubted my and Will's ability to do the right thing as parents. To be strong, to be faith-filled, to be understanding and loving and patient and all of the things that partners should be to each other in FRONT of their children.
The first night Keegan was home after his birth, Will and I argued about nipples.
Yes, nipples.
Because we were so freaked out as new parents and the hospital had used different formula, bottles and nipples, we couldn't wrap our heads around WHAT TO DO AT HOME.
I cried for an hour that first night and I know by the next day we had four different kinds of nipples and about $300 worth of every type of bottle...
When Keegan was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes this morning at 10:15 am. His life and our lives changed forever.
And tonight Will and I stood in the kitchen and argued about lancetes.
Do you know what a lancet is? Oh you will after staying a faithful reader to this blog!
Even as I type and cry about nano needles, and pumps and insulin-refrigerated or not-Will is out buying about 400 different types of "FasClix" lancets.
Because that's what we do. We panic and buy a plethora of supplies.
I am numb from our day. I am heartbroken for my darling son right now, and I am so proud of my husband for being the father and partner he is.
Please pray for our family. For strength, for guidance, for peace.
If you don't pray please send your positive energy. We need all of it right now.
Thank you.
6 comments:
Praying for all of you!
Praying for all of you!
Praying for all of you!
Oh darling ... I remember feeling a little put-off when our pastor said years ago in his sermon one Sunday that our children all belong to God and that they are just on loan to us. I mean, I gave birth to each of these 9+ pound babies. And yet, now I think I get it. He created each child to be unique and awesome individually! We must take the bad with the good - the heartbreak with the intense joy - and all we CAN do is manage it. Do our best to manage it and raise them to be the best that each of them can be. Right? God will give you whatever strength you need. Keegan is WONDERFUL, as you well know! It's going to be okay. XOXO
My thoughts and prayers are with you all!
You and Will can never be perfect parents. But you are the RIGHT parents for your children. And that my friend, is all that matters. These next few months will be tough and trying, but I know without a doubth that you will all come out on the other end stronger, more faith-filled, and closer than ever. And those Lancets, I tried out a bunch of them for my sister. You are NOT alone in this journey. When you are ready, reach out.
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