This Blog is Not About the Baby

My sister in law made a bucket for my brother in law because he's turning 40 in like 40 days. So inside the bucket are 40 things that he has to do 40 times or for 40 minutes. It's his bucket list. And the kids helped her come up with ideas. At the end he will get his big 40th birthday present. I think this is such a creative idea, but and I am not being offensive here, just honest, it's not his bucket list.  Not everyone wants or needs a bucket list. He probably could care less, like most dudes, but when I said that to Will, it's not his list, Will said, "That's something you'd do for me."
I was really hurt because I wouldn't. I would never make a bucket list for Will.
I would give Will my bucket, oh you betcha:  Italy, Napa Valley, meet Ellen, limo out dancing wearing swanky dress....etc etc..
but I would never never make a bucket list for Will. Now granted, it's not my brother in law's REAL bucket list..I am sure doing 40 push ups is NOT on his REAL bucket list, you know what I mean..but it stung anyway..
I get nervous about our marriage sometimes. And I don't know if it's post partum a little bit, or hearing about other people's marriages not working out, or just loving Will so much and not having any time alone with him and being so scared that we'll lose each other in the busy-ness of raising three children, one with a chronic disease and one who is 9 days old, and ONE who out foxes us at every turn. "No Maren, you have to put your pajamas back on. You cannot sleep naked."
My marriage is the most precious thing I have. My children come next. I love Will so much that I ache.  I don't tell him this enough. I don't get the chance to hug him and kiss him the way that I want to. We don't get to have weekly date nights where we talk about our hopes and dreams. We don't kiss passionately every day for 10 minutes, without the expectation of it leading to more. We can't even do "more" right now because I just pushed his third child out 9 days ago sigh...We haven't even had time for a two day get away to renew our intimacy. All of these things, by the way, are from the Today show segment on how to keep your marriage alive. Crap balls, if this is the only way to keep our marriage alive, ours is dead....
I don't believe it for one second.  I know those are just some "helpful tips" brought to me by some lady who has been divorced three times and lives on a healthy prenup now, but still, Lordy.
I think right now, I feel completely hyper-sensitive to Will, and this is probably due to the fact that I DO NOT feel hyper-sensitive about the baby. The baby sleeps four hours at a time, drinks 3 ounces of formula, poops, stays awake for an hour or two, looks around, listens, doesn't fuss, and goes back to sleep.  Can you say nothing like Maren's babyhood? NOTHING LIKE MAREN'S BABYHOOD??????
This blog is not about the baby, by the way.
Add to the fact that this is not my first rodeo, and so I am roping cows like an expert, and that leaves me a lot of time once he's all hog-tied to focus on other things, so right now it's my marriage.
In my perfect world, we would live in a society where they gave new fathers and mothers time off together with the new baby. Maybe say....oh...a year?  Paid?  I know, I know, but we are talking PERFECT WORLD here. Can you imagine what that would do for the baby and the parents?  I wonder what our society would be like?  Look, I'm not saying that married couples can be together 24/7, but if they had a year off, there would be plenty of time for the husband to make "Menards" runs, and I know the wife could get to Target at least 4 times a week. That would give them a break from each other!  I just think it would be heaven..but that's just me...
For now, I am going to concentrate on being as even-keeled as I can for Will.  I am working really really hard at it.  I know people shouldn't have to work too hard at themselves...all I mean is I am trying to be the best person I can be for him, amidst all of our changes. That's the best gift I can give him until we can get away and kiss for 10 minutes at a time. Ok. I am going to be honest. I can't do that.   I would be trying to time it, and keeping one eye open, looking at the clock, and thinking, "Are we done yet? I'm kind of hungry.." And it would get all awkward and blech...
See, I told you this blog wasn't reaaaallllly too much about the baby...

Kieran Hagar Williams
Born December 30, 2012
5 pounds 11 ounces
19 inches