A Word From the Mutha

If you are thinking about having a baby because you think it will save your relationship, you must be doing crack.
When I got pregnant Will and I had a very healthy, solid relationship. This is a GOOD thing. If we were on the skids, I don't know what would have happened to us, because three weeks into parenthood, and minus two hundred hours of sleep...we are different people.
And our relationship is different.
"Will, Will, wake up! Wake up! Feel his forehead! Feel his forehead!"
"Nuhng-uhng...What?"
"I think he has a fever! He feels hot!"
I am constantly worried about the baby getting sick, being too hot, too cold, constipated, overtired, undertired, overworked, underworked..oh you see where I am going with this.
Will is much calmer and does NOT worry about these things at 3 a.m.
"Only one of us should be up with him. We need our sleep."
"But what if I need you? What if something is wrong? His poop! His poop was different!"
And we launched into a five minute conversation about poop.
This from two attractive people who never even used the word POOP together.

I think that being a parent is the most excrutiating love there is. You can't describe it to someone until you actually ARE that person..Until you look down and realize that what you are holding in your arms is something that you created with the person you love more than anything and IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY COMPLETELY..but the questions and the uncertainty of being a first time parent..that's hard..because EVERYTHING..EVERYTHING he does is NEW..and you don't know..you just don't..so I am sure that I am driving Will nuts right now with all of my questions, and I know that he isn't sleeping the way he used to..but I also know that when he comes home from work the first thing he says is how much he missed us, so I must still have some charm..because it sure as shit isn't the way I look right now..

I also have come to realize that our baby is diabolical..crafty...and smart..JUST when I think I have him figured out..WHAMMO..he throws a monkey wrench at my knee caps.."Ha! Ha! Mother! You thought you could figure me out! But you have failed again!" There is no schedule for a three week old EXCEPT his schedule. Eat, UP, UP, UP, sleep sleep UP UP, EAT, UP UP UP UP UP UP sleep, EAT sleep sleep sleep sleep UP UP UP UP UP..do you see a pattern here ?? ANY kind of pattern?
I am a scheduled person. I have calendars and lists everywhere. I may as well burn them because time does not matter now.
Everyone keeps saying that this will not last, that eventually the baby falls into a routine. I am not sure about this. I have a feeling that we may have the one irratic baby on the planet. He is probably going to turn out to be a rock star. Rock stars can live like that. It will make sense, if he turns out to be a rebellious rocker, I mean, his parents talk about poop, for God's sake!