So..

there is a new woman in our neighborhood who had a baby about two months before me..I know this because I spy on her..
I spy on her because she and her husband look like normal people and I want to be her friend..because it's either her or that woman with no teeth who gives her baby beer, so you can see that I am desperate.
I compare myself a lot to her..and this bothers Will..
"Oh I see the New Lady planted her flowers. I should get my flowers planted."
"You just had a baby two days ago Melissa."
"Oh right right. Maybe I should just rest."
"Oh! Will! New Lady is wearing regular pants! I should be wearing regular pants!"
(Sigh!) "Honey, it's been a week! A week! You just pushed out a human being a week ago!"
"Oh right, right. She is a little ahead of me."
This morning, New Lady and I went for the mailboxes at the sign time. She was dressed. I was still in my robe. DAMMIT!
Anyway, I haven't actually talked to her. And she doesn't come out of her house much. So I am guessing she is pretty much in the same boat that I am. One of these days I am just going to march over there with a bottle of wine and my baby and say, "Look, it's either me or that crazy bitch with no teeth. You should pick me."

In other news, we are going to a wedding this weekend without Keegan. He is staying home with Grandma and Grandpa. I am not sure about this. NOT the part about Grandma and Grandpa, they already raised children and most of us turned out fine. I am a little worried about my brother in Spain, but he was always a free spirit, so really I shouldn't be surprised that he is not missing America much...ANYWAY..it's the part about being away from the baby..No one knows him like I do. I know which blanket he likes at what time of the day, and how he likes to be held best and exactly what part of "Hey Now, You're An All-Star" by I forget which band, makes him smile..so it's going to be a test to see if I can stay off the phone for more than 15 minutes at a time.
Did I mention I have to attend a wedding three weeks after giving birth? Who does that? Heidi Klum. Because she has a personal trainer for 45 hours a day. So I am going to have to suck in my gut the whole time and not talk because you can't suck your stomach in and exhale at the same time. OH! And on top of that I have a cold sore! God!

Here's the real kicker..Will's old girlfriend from college will be there. WHY does this happen to me? WHY?
This is what I know about her:
When she lived with Will she had a cat with fleas.
As a child she was cross-eyed.
When Will broke up with her, she smoked a lot of weed.
Oh please! He just said that to make me feel better.
On Saturday I am going to meet a supermodel, I can see it now:
"Will is that you?"
"Brenda?" (Not her real name)
"Yes, it's me. After you broke my heart, I ran off to New York and got discovered. I've been overseas working for European Vogue ever since. Um..who is this? She looks like she just gave birth an hour ago..and is that herpes on her lip? Why isn't she talking?'
GOD!