The Garage Parent and The Worrier

New Lady is throwing a baby shower today..I ran by all the women in her yard.
I RAN BY THEM TODAY!!
Yes, one month after giving birth I took my first run.
I ran 3/4 of a mile. Okay NOT a marathon..but still..it was something.
My neighbor with no teeth was outside and she just shook her head disapprovingly at me.
Listen. I almost stopped.
A woman with no teeth was shaking her head disapprovingly at me. The same woman who feeds her baby beer. Need I continue? I just kept running. I don't have time for that shit. I have pre-pregnancy jeans to fit back into for Lord's sake!
Anyway, I did almost stop at the baby shower. I had a whole LOAD of things I wanted to say to the pregnant woman after a month of motherhood. Because in exactly one hour and 26 minutes I will be a mother for a month and let me tell you something...NO ONE prepares you..not the books, not your friends, not babycenter.com..not even your own mother.
NO ONE. And if I knew then what I know now..I would still do it..Really..I would just have slept a hell of a lot more..not that it would have done any good.

"Where are you going?"
"To the garage."
"But Will, you're on Baby Watch. I'm going to take a bath."
"I know. I've got the monitor." (Pats his hip) I had a flashback to the days when he used to carry a cell phone there.
"But..but..baby watch means..it means.."
Suddenly I realized. There were two very different parenting styles in our household and ONE of us was probably going to stay a lot saner.
When I am on baby watch. I WATCH the friggin' baby..I do..I literally STARE at him..sleeping..eating..pooping..and Will...WILL...does garage stuff. He LEAVES the house! I didn't leave the house for at least two days this week! And he doesn't worry about the baby being too hot or too stuffed up or too fussy or ANYTHING!!
So here is what I am realizing..Will is the calm parent and I am the freakshow parent..GOD!
So if there is anything mentally wrong with this kid it will be all my fault and we will all need counseling because of ME..I just know it!! UGH! "So Keegan, why are we here today?"
"It's my mom, Doc. All she did was stare at me as a child. It gave me the creeps. And now I have a complex."
"Yes, yes. Very peculiar. But your dad. Your dad was normal, you say?"
"Oh yeah. My dad was super cool!"
SEE?!
So I am going to try to work on not worrying so much..but I do think that part of being a mother is to instincitvely be the worrier..Dads are just naturally the...the GARAGE parent..
Ha! I hear the baby now! And hear comes Will! There is something to be said for not being on baby watch. I have time for blogging and baths..and maybe even one teeny glass of wine..ahhh...the joys of parenting!
Happy One Month Keegan Michael! You make our lives an adventure! We love you and we love each other! Thank you for the memories we are making and the family we have!