Broken

Today is one year since Shaun got hit by a car in Uptown and severely broke his leg. Happy Anniversary. Oh that sounds terrible. I just remember weird things like that and right now since Shaun and I don't talk, well, remembering that he got hit by a car is something that pops into my head.
When I lived in Uptown for nineteen months I lived more life in that time than some people live in five years, I am not kidding you. I think there are some good things about this. I also think that I am extremely tired and this is also why I use five different kinds of eye cream now to combat wrinkles around my eyes. Some of those wrinkles are from all the laughing I did, but some is from the crying. The first time I got my heart broken in Uptown, Shaun was there to rescue me. Well, not because I was stuck in a tree or anything but because he let me cry it out and he said nice things to me and I am pretty sure he bought me a present or two..he was good about this. I tried to learn my lesson about boys after this, but of course I didn't. The second heartbreak was much more severe and life changing. I am sure I will write about this when I feel like my blog needs to be more serious..and for all of those "serious" people out there who need to read something depressing or whatever. God! I will do it for you!
Anyway, I didn't realize at the time, that Shaun was always fixing what was broken. This was really fantastic if you were me..because I was ALWAYS breaking things: self-esteem, heart, a nail, and he would just pick up the pieces. This was not so fantastic when he left our friendship because I had to start doing this for myself and I realized that maybe things were a little one-sided. What did I ever fix for him? Oh fajitas, once, I guess.
When he broke his leg, I was scared to visit him in the hospital. I HATE hospitals..especially the one he went to. It's big and Minneapolisy..and well, it's just scary. So I avoided him and the hospital. The day I actually did visit him was the day he had his surgery. They kept him waiting for THREE DAYS to have his leg surgery..I don't even think they do that in third world countries. Apparently they gave him the wrong kind of numbing medicine (I know that isn't what it's called! but just let me keep going!) and so the doctor refused to operate..WHAT?! So it meant waiting for that to wear off and using something else. What a really terrific wait..ugh.
Anyway, I went to see him. And it was awful. He was in so much pain. I held his hand for about two hours and I CRIED. I am SO strong. But it was terrible to see my best friend that I loved so much in so much PAIN.
I think that was one of our best days.
I know that sounds weird, but I was there for Shaun, and it was the only day he really let me be. He didn't actually have a choice. He couldn't move.
When I met Will, everything changed between Shaun and I..EVERYTHING..no more nights out..no more phone calls, no more funny e-mails..no more fixing anything broken.
Maybe people come into our lives for a while and then they go..BUT I HATE THIS!!!!! I do not like this idea at all..and if I see that dumb "People come into our lives and leave footprints on our heads" (actually I think it's hearts) one more time, I will barf. I don't like people leaving..I don't like friendships ending..and I especially don't like it when I don't know exactly why.
I did learn that some things get fixed. Legs heal, broken hearts mend because you find out that the guy really was a LOSER the whole time anyway (ha ha!) and people get strong again and move on..but losing a special friendship, that takes a while longer to recover from.