I think it's important to admit your faults, let's be honest. I watched the first part of Silver Linings Playbook the other night, and I don't even need to finish the movie because I am the movie. Put me in a plastic garbage bag and send me down the street in my running shoes............................
anyway, there is a part of me that feels horrible about the fact that I am struggling...AND there is another part of me that is like: "Sister, shit balls, with the year you have had, you go ahead and be bat shit crazy for as long as you need to...."
I seem to be getting along better with that second part of myself...she's more understanding.
Will is being so great. Either he is heavily medicated or he's smoking dope in the garage, I don't care. He's really handling me well.
Maybe he's just used to me after six years or maybe he just really loves me.
There is yellow caution tape ALL OVER Ernesto's back yard.
WHO put it there?
None of us can figure it out, but this now confirms my theory that something really bad is buried in that damn sandbox of his. I am waiting for the police dogs to show up any day now that he doesn't live there anymore..did you ever see that movie The Changeling with Angelina Jolie? Oh God, I can't even think about it-ish..
Maybe it's just his old vodka bottles..let's just think along those lines..or maybe he had a lot of cats that we didn't know about..
We attended a wedding on a boat the other night.
I have decided that if we are going to attend a social function then we need a date alone BEFORE the date with other people until I am back to normal.
Okay. I am never going to be normal, I know.
But until I can handle myself in a crowd.........
I am a very socially awkward individual right now. If it wasn't for JJ's wife on Saturday night (you know the super-cool chick who is more like a guy except she's gorgeous) I probably would have gotten myself arrested for..I don't know..I probably would have done something dumb..so I think the new rule should be: Friday night date alone, Saturday night Melissa can probably handle people. At least until I am used to life as we know it.
When I lived in Uptown and I was completely moping around, boycotting Christmas and life, and anything happy, wearing my drab green Gap sweatsuit every second of the day, Shaun got really sick of me and he bought me this book called How To Be Happy Dammit.
I didn't read it right away because I didn't really feel like being happy, dammit.
But eventually I DID read it, probably after Shaun made me put some pictures of on my walls and gave me the "You are going to have start living like you live here" speech.
Okay so anyway, the book actually made a really great point about how life has winters and summers. Sometime life is winter and kind of dead and cold. And then all of a sudden everything turns warm and green and wonderful (This is not exactly how the book put it, but I can't find the book right this minute-you get the point.) In any case, we go through ups and downs. And sometimes we have to just get through the winter in order to make it to the summer.
I liked that book a lot.
It actually really really helped me, dammit.
I miss Shaun sometimes so much.
I digress.
So I think maybe this part of my life has been a little bit of winter. And it's not anyone's fault. It's just the way it is. I have lots of great things going on, and honestly, the sweetest baby in the whole world. But sometimes things are just a little hard.
And that is really embarrassing to admit.
So I'm looking forward to summer. Literally and figuratively.
Being happy, dammit, feels a whole ton better than unhappy winter.
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