Will arrived home late from work last night..with a "cat caught the mouse" grin on his face and announced:
"There's something neeewwwww in the pond."
Well what in the hell?
What could possibly be new in our pond?
Ernesto?
A shark?
Did he really go and buy a duck?
Sighing, I crawled out of bed and followed him outside.
Of course, the motion-sensor light isn't working so there we were with a teeny flashlight:
staring at a garbage bag in the water.
"My god, what is in there?? A head?"
"Jussst loook..."
Sweet Lord above, I shit you not that when he opened the bag, I almost fainted.
Three of the biggest fish I have ever seen thrashed around in the light.
"You have got to be kidding me. You did not just buy those."
"Nope. Got 'em free on Craig's List."
Of course he did.
I am extremely concerned about the size of the fish that Will brought home. So much so that I stayed up late into the night reading about the habitats of Koi.
READING ABOUT THE HABITATS OF KOI!! ME!!!
Even Will's mom thought it might not be okay. "Honey, they look old."
Yes, great. We have old fish.
No wonder they were free.
What in the hell are we going to do with three giant-sized fish. I don't even think they have room to swim. They just lay there looking.....gross and fishy....and, she's right OLD.
I am convinced at any moment we are going to experience Darwinism in our backyard, and one of them is just going to grow little feet and walk up the hill to Ernesto's pool because at least there he will have some ROOM.
This is never going to work.
Update:
Fish found upside down this morning in pond.
Ah Ha!
Old!
Couldn't even make it through the night!
One fish gone missing.
Ah Ha!
Already sprouted feet and at Ernesto's!
Probably didn't even go to the pool. Probably just headed in for vodka and some chips!
One Hour Later:
Text from Will
Fish is ALIVE!
DAMMIT!!
Will went to net him and he swam away.
Will believes he was in a coma and miraculously came out of it.
What the-?
Still no sign of missing fish.
I rest my case.
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