All By Myself

Gather round people for another tale from Mother of the Year: ____________!
Yes, we are out of Pull Ups! It's a blizzard outside; Will has opted to forfeit the 1 hour commute-turned 5 hour commute home for a night at his buddies house drinking beer, eating Chinese food and watching basketball, and so I have put Keegan in TWO swimmer diapers and put him to bed! YES! I am sure to win TOP PRIZE THIS YEAR for my ingenuity!
Speaking of which, a gal I work with said she won free Christmas cards for entering her blog on a photography website. This made me start thinking: I am good at, well, let's be honest, about 5 things: drinking wine, teaching middle school kids, raising Will-er, I mean raising my kids (okay I am NOT that good, but I am having a hard time of coming up with much right now...sh*t balls), shopping, aaannnnnnnddddd writing, so I thought I should explore some options on sharing my blog.
1. Your blog must not be personal.
Oh um, never mind.
2. Your blog must not contain any vulgar language.
Fuck. I'm out.
3. Your blog must have a point.
Crap.
So really I mean why even try? Total defeat.
I felt like a horrible horrible writer.
UNTIL....I started actually reading some of the mommy blogs....
"Here's a picture of my dining room table before the trimming of the Christmas tree."
What? Is someone reading this?
"I just don't think anything could get cuter than this."
Please say it's a child. Please say it's a child.
Nooooooo. It's some sort of weird craft project she made out of votives, glue and construction paper.
(Too much time on my hands..I've got too much time on my hands. Remember that song? Oh yes, it WAS a song in the 70's because I heard it riding around in the backseat of my dad's new Honda, circa 1977).
Oh God, kill me now...

Look, I know I am not Hemmingway, and don't get me wrong, no one is reading this, I KNOW, you don't have to remind me, but seriously, when I started looking at who was getting their stuff onto some of those sites..it just made me all the more want to say: Yep, I have no fuckety fuck fucking point to anything I have to say..so fuckety fuck fuck fuck it!
Because I am pretty sure that is more entertaining than a fucking emtpy dining room table or weird papery votives.
OH YOU KNOW I AM RIGHT.
BIG BREATH IN.....BIG BREATH OUT....
Okay..so you know, JUST to see what would happen, I DID enter my blog into the photography contest...and low and behold..
I won..well..if I post three sites on my blog in the next five days and explain how the photography website has changed my life. (????????????????????)
Apparently I have a lot of time on my hands to do this, so the children posing in my free 50 Christmas cards will be fake because no REAL mother could possibly have the time to WRITE all that with TWO SMALL children in her house..thus eliminating the chance that I will actually win the contest..way to go photography site..you just saved yourself the money!!!

In the meantime..be on the lookout for a site that will take my "vulgar" Mom Blog..because I know there are moms out there like me who are nice women but also have a cuss streak.
It doesn't mean we aren't raising darling children.
Case in point: Keegan is in our bed tonight because Will isn't coming home and he keeps coming out here wondering when I am coming to bed.
"Did you eat yet?
"Yes."
"Well then when are you coming to bed?"
"Pretty soon."
"Ok, thank you."
Thank you???!! He THANKED ME!!
That is some good parenting right there people! Oh alright..it's probably day care..be quiet!