It Is What It Is

Well, my neutering didn't work right.
Of course it didn't Melissa..because boys get neutered, girls gets spayed..yes, true.
Okay, so my "spaying" didn't work.
Ol' Doc H. bragged he could Essure me under 5 minutes..
TWO HOURS LATER...I was leaving the office, limping, bedraggled and NOT spayed.
Apparently I have a weird fallopian tube, and really I am not going to bore you with the details but he tried to jam that coil up in there for a good half hour and IT HURT LIKE A SON OF A BITCH...imagine a thin poky wire inserted in your you- know -where and coming out your nostril..yep..that's what it felt like..
Finally he just quit..
"I am just going to quit here."
"Wait. What? What do you mean? We're not done. I mean, am I done? "
"No, we're half done, but it's just not working and so we're going to do this another way."
See, here's the thing. If I were a doctor. And I AM NOT. I would just like to finish up a job right then and there. But doctor's spread stuff out. So now I have to go again somewhere else, so they can knock me out so he can jam the coil wayyyyyy up there because it was just to much to do while I was awake. Does this sound like it's getting a little more complicated then Will getting a vasectomy..a little snip snip and a bag of frozen peas on his balls for three hours? I think so.
But back to finishing the job. Look, Doc, knock me out HERE and finish it HERE because I am already looped up on Vicodin and the CALMEST I have ever been in my life (note to self- save other 2 Vicodin for emergency situation, like when Will announces his next trip with Benny to Vegas) and just jam away..but of course not.
So, we are home, and I went to a garage sale down the street and spent 75.00 on holiday decorations. I also announced that I was home from a "procedure" and coming down off of vicodin to the woman running the garage sale..clearly I have no filter right now..however, it is a moving sale, so it really doesn't matter what she thinks of me because in a month she'll be out of the neighborhood.

I am finding that most things for Will and I are not working the first time right now..NO we are fine in THAT department keep your mind out of the gutter..but it seems like anything we purchase doesn't work right, anything we do in the house, anything new with the kids is just a cluster the first time through...case in point, today's slick smooth permanent birth control that "only requires an office visit" and a two hour pain-filled session and your doctor saying things like: "it just won't, I just can't..see if you can just..one more little.." while your body shakes uncontrollably and you wonder if your uterus has shot across the room.. AND now a hospital visit..(all these things are mentioned in fine print)

But here is what I am thinking. I am thinking that God is doing this so that we are just able to DEAL better. Because I am not getting so worked up anymore. And NO I am not taking more than the prescribed amount of vicodin. I mean I just know when something doesn't go right that there is a reason and a solution, and even if there isn't a solution right then, there is a bright side. I have started looking a lot more for the bright side of whatever is happening. And then I focus much more on that, rather then the crappy thing that's happening. It sounds so cliche' but when you are lying on a doctor table, knowing you are having a procedure done that takes away your ability to have anymore children, and then it doesn't go right, it makes you question whether or not a message is being sent to you...

So I just focused on my baby Maren's sweet chubby-cheeked face and her smile and Keegan's laugh and his voice, and I prayed for strength and I felt instantly better. I thanked God for Will being with me today..it's weird, I know, but there was a pink flower outside in the woods that I could see from the window where I was lying and I just kept looking at the pink flower..and I was sad, you know because I knew something was coming to an end for me......
" Just breath out through your nose and in through your mouth.."
SIGH.
"I will pass out if I try that Dr. Heegaard, so I think I will just try it the other way, if that's okay, with you.."
Small titter from assisting nurse.
Honestly, he IS a good doctor..I swear...he's just a little nutty, really....

So it has been a screwy weird day.
I know that today is just one of those things. It is what it is..you know? It could be a ton worse..and at least I got some really great holiday decorations....