Ahh...Life..

Apparently the meal I made last night gave my husband the shits.
"That thing you made last night gave me the shits. Oh I gotta go...I'll call you later..Ooooh..I gotta go."
Great. So all the Top Chef I have been watching while feeding Maren has done no good.
Not that I got the recipe from Top Chef. Who the shit has time to make something that complicated. I just APPRECIATE all their hard work..
You know, I think it could be the beer he drank last night with his new best friend the NEIGHBOR...apparently Dan has had a falling out with Ernesto and now he thinks Will is God's gift..great. So now Will is over there at night sitting by his bonfire and reliving Dan's childhood memories because he and Ernesto aren't speaking. You know, I don't need Will taking Ernesto's place. I am going to figure out a way to get Dan and Ernesto back together before Will takes up smoking, vodka shots, and starts letting off firewords at midnight...he doesn't need to get so chummy.. He has responsibilities.
So.. Keegan is hooked on Toy Story 2. Mater is out. Emperor Zurg is in. Except that his arm fell off yesterday. NO NOT Keegan's, Emperor Zurg's, and Will spent about 30 minutes last night trying to glue it back on. Finally he resorted to masking tape, I think he just gave up because he was so tired from "socializing" (yes, I sound bitter) and so when Keegan woke up this morning Will had already left for work and I got the job of explaining to Keegan that Emperor Zurg had a cast on his arm for a while. "Don't you remember? Rex pushed him down the elevator shaft with his tail and he broke his arm? And now he has a cast?"
Look. You try to get a three year old to believe you at 5 to 9 when he has to be in the car to daycare in 2 minutes. You will resort to lying too.
I am impressed that I know all the characters in Toy Story 2. Perhaps it's because we watch it 3 times a day right now. Look, you would too if you had a cranky six week old who never wants to be put down and glares at you if you even THINK about putting her in her crib for five minutes. I mean she GLARES at me and then she screams. Don't tell me that babies don't know what they're doing because she DOES. She has it all figured out.
This weekend we have Will's 15 year class reunion. I am very excited because we are leaving the children here (Yes, all by themselves because we can't afford a babysitter, BUT we can afford to drive to Wisconsin and party..OH I AM JUST KIDDING!! GOD! RELAX! MY PARENTS ARE WATCHING THEM! WE ARE NOT FROM MISSISSIPPI!! OH RELAX PEOPLE FROM DOWN SOUTH! I AM JUST TRYING TO BE FUNNY!! I WILL QUIT! ) and going all by ourselves overnight. This means we can stop as much as we want, or not at all. I could be drunk by 1:30 if I want..I could sleep the whole way there. We could stop and have sex at every rest stop. Oh I hope my dad doesn't read this! We could skip the reunion, check into a hotel and sleep for 24 hours straight!! Oh the possibilities!
The great thing for me is that no one knows me! None of the women can compare the pre-pregnancy Melissa to the post-pregnancy Melissa! Who cares that I haven't lost that last 9 pounds! No one will know!! I LOVE it! And no one will ask me the annoying: "So what are you doing now?" question!!! Because no one will care what I was doing then!!! YES!! I will just be the spouse! Who cares about me??? NO ONE!!! I LOVE IT! I can just get quietly drunk in the corner with the other husbands and talk about the upcoming Packer season! (Note to self: Bone up on the upcoming Packer season)
So, I will check in after the weekend. I have learned however that whenever I get too wildly excited about something inevitably it does not live up to my expectations, so I am going to just be subtly excited for the weekend and see what happens. And I plan not to cook anything the night before so that Will is in tip-top shape. Sigh.. I don't know what happened with my dinner!! Honestly..