Where Am I?

Yesterday I took a "mental health" day from work.
This is what teacher's call the days they take off when there really isn't anything wrong with them except they can't stand another minute with their students. No one ever says this out loud...but it's the truth.
Actually things have been pretty good at work, not that I like to talk about work a lot. But I have found my "happy place" during this pregnancy, and it's staying as out of the loop as possible. The less I know the better.
So I went to the mall to get some new maternity jeans, and I could go by myself because Keegan had daycare and I didn't have to worry about him rearranging all the sock displays.
I do not go to malls anymore. I know why now.
I got lost yesterday 4 times. The guy at the Verizon kiosk was close to calling security, I am sure when I made my fifth lap past him...I tried to make it LOOK like I didn't know what I was doing either, hoping he wouldn't think I was a pregnant woman with Alzheimer's, but that is what I FELT like.
I could NOT find the exit!! It was like the "secret portal had disappeared" or something. Luckily, I saw Ruby Tuesday's and could slip inside for some nourishment during the whole ordeal. I recommend their Dip Trio...you know me, cheese dip and pregnancy!
While dining alone, something I used to do in Uptown ALL the time, but is significantly LESS fun when you aren't drunk..I observed a young mother, her professionally dressed husband and their darling baby girl. Oh cute. A stay at home skinny mom with designer pink boots that cost more than my paycheck having lunch with her equally Armani-clad husband.
It was precious to watch. (No it wasn't I was so jealous of her thighs I wanted to throw my dip at her...but I was too famished after being lost in the mall for an hour so I didn't want to waste any on her!!)
This is what really got to me..at the end of their lunch there were peas from the salad bar all over the floor. Their daughter was about a year. They were still in the honeymoon phase of their parenthood where peas from the salad bar get you a whole 45 minute lunch. Just waiiiittttt....that stops working soon and either you eat McDonald's in the car or you just don't even bother going anywhere.
Anyway, enough about my woes..
Back to fashion Mom...
She bent over in the booth with a napkin and picked up every single pea on the ground! As she tidied, her baby patted her on the back from her highchair. "Good job, Momma, keep it up.. You have years of this," the baby seemed to encourage.
WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU DOING???!! WHY ARE YOU CLEANING THOSE PEES UP??! I wanted to scream.
Then I got paranoid. What a minute.
Maybe that's what you're supposed to do. My God, for three years, Will and I have left a torrent of food and napkins and crayons strewn around our seating area. There has probaby been enough food left on the ground and half-used crayons to feed and educate an entire third world country. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
This thought lasted for all of 3 1/2 seconds because then I came back down to my earth.
Wait a minute..
NO ONE picks up that much food off the ground at the end of lunch. NO ONE in my world. This was a case of "Momma doesn't have a whole lot else going on" syndrome.
I should have known by the pink designer boots.
Come teach middle school for a day, and you'll never pick up another damn pea as long as you live.
On another note, we are traveling today and Keegan is staying home. It took me exactly five minutes to pack. I keep thinking I am forgetting something and then I realize that "something" is our son, and I am not forgetting anything, because obviously he has grandparents to take care of him, and it's not like we're leaving him on his own for the weekend..you know because we trust him to be responsible.
In any case, my "list to take" was 1/3 as long, and I realize again why I don't pick up peas off the ground and I do NOT feel guilty.
That's not true. I feel guilty that I coveted those boots.