Ho Ho Holy Shit

Well here we are...it's almost Christmas and I haven't blogged for a 1000 years.

And it is the season of Christmas letters and Christmas pictures.

"Honey we need to do our Christmas picture."
"Oh you know Will I think we should just take some really great pictures in Panama and do a kind of Happy New Year-sort-of picture after we get back."
Please let this be okay, please God. Just let him say this is okay. I just want to have a tan and look rested and let this zit on my cheek clear up and-
"But that's not a Christmas picture. I want people to get a Christmas picture of us. Everyone else is sending us Christmas pictures."
Dammit.
And are we talking about EVERYONE?? Like EVERYONE including his best buddy who sent a picture of his dogs..because I noticed that the dogs didn't seem to have any complexion problems.
"Okay..okay..we'll do it."

So 24 hours later we have our Christmas picture ready to go..and really I AM glad..I mean it's nice to have a little card to send out..and I have enclosed the picture..(And some outtakes..It took Grandpa Bill putting Keegan's plastic dog toy on his shoulder to get the right shot..FINALLY ..)..BUT I ABSOLUTELY refuse to do a Christmas letter..no way, no how..

First, let me say that I LOVE other people's letters..I love them because when I read them I cannot believe how smoothly everybody else's life has gone over the past year. I mean it really makes me hopeful for myself that maybe I can get my shit together and have everything just flow like the lives of our friends and family. In fact, it makes me feel very grateful that these people even want to be friends with us, or admit that they are related to us, with the way their lives go compared to ours..because if I wrote a Christmas letter:

Holy shit!
Merry Christmas everyone! I am writing this after a pot of coffee because it is the only thing keeping me from falling asleep on my keyboard as we speak!
Where has the time gone? ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? Who has time? NOT US! Keegan is into EVERYTHING! He is the most adorable diabolical 19 month old on the planet. If you turn your back, he can re-wire the TV to the refrigerator, I shit you not!
He took up walking this year, and so he does not sit down unless I put ELMO in. Have you heard of ELMO..it is crack for toddlers. God bless Elmo.
We moved twice this year. Who does that unless they are running from the mafia?
We love our house a lot. Let's just be serious though. Cleaning a whole house sucks. WELL IT'S TRUE..And I do not have the time unless there are two consecutive Elmo DVDs available..
We are off to Panama for Christmas. Who does that unless they are running from the mafia?
But we are excited. Except for the plane ride. We may have to buy everyone on board a drink if Keegan has a meltdown...
This next year Will says he is going to go to the gym more, Keegan says he is going to learn the word Kangaroo instead of just using his arms to hop up and down LIKE a kangaroo..and I plan to keep drinking wine, blogging about useless things and hopefully have more sex with Will because let me tell you...anyone who says it's the same after you have a kid is lying..where is the TIME?? More Elmo DVDs?? How many can a child watch without getting brain damage???!!!
Okay well Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Will, Melissa and Keegan Williams
and the cats

So you see..no Christmas letters for us.
Anyway, this feels like the best holiday season ever, seriously, even if you can't tell that from my fake-Christmas letter..and who needs presents when you have Will and Keegan? Seriously. So ho ho ho..
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Seriously now.