Oh no no no no

The only trophy I have ever received was my senior year of high school. I won best supporting actress for The Sound of Music. I played Liesl..NOT one of the nuns..very funny.

Anyway..I am very proud of that trophy, even though I have no idea where it is.

Will has 55,000 trophies. He is the trophy king. He started winning trophies for sports when he was two. We will have to buy a house that has a room JUST for his trophies.

One of us is into healthy competition one of us is not.

I avoid competition, confrontation and criticism as much as possible. I do. I like a non-competitive world where everyone wins.
I like it when I get along with everyone and if I don't, then I just don't really have them in my life. That is the beautiful thing about being 36. I have those choices now.
When I was younger I didn't feel as much power. I had a lot of toxic people around me. It took YEARS to rid myself of negative people. It took years of therapy, self-talk and prayer. But I did it. That is why I am married to Will now. Because he is the most healthy positive man I have ever known and I deserve him NOW. I didn't always.

I also believe that I have the son that I have because I deserve him now. Keegan may be the very BEST boy on the planet. He is light and love and goodness and he is my left arm. Besides earning my Master's degree and finding Will, Keegan is my very best accomplishment. But he is not mine alone. Will and I did that together, and we made him from pure love.

I do not usually blog like this. I write these things in Keegan's photo albums or in my poems or in the PERSONAL places that are not this PIECE or TYPE of writing... But yesterday I got a shitty mean comment on my blog and so because as a "blogger I am supposed to take criticism" I am picking up the criticism that was dropped at my feet and running with it... because now I am pissed..you mean coward..because you didn't even have the nuts to sign your name if you're so quick to judge ME. (sorry..that was a little unnecessary..sorry)

My motherhood, and my life as a wife, sister and daughter should NOT be judged by the pages of my blog. But if someone chooses to read a blog and decide that that is who someone is..then I assume they spend a lot time doing that and they must think every sarcastic thing they read or hear is "true" Oh LORD.., so good luck...
*side note: the mother of the year comment was a COMPLETE sarcastic joke..I was poking fun of scenarios..it was NOT meant to be taken literally..nor was much in that last blog..nor is ANYTHING in MOST of my blogs..JEEZ!!!!...so now I have had to explain my humor as if I am running for state senate..UGH..

Meanwhile, I plan to continue writing my "self-absorbed blog" because that is the WHOLE point of this blog!!!!!!!!!!!!
I get to write whatever I feel..most of it just dumb musings...some real...some of it made up..and some ideas for a FICTIONAL novel, perhaps...
Truly I was under the assumption that I could write this way, as I don't remember signing a "blog" waver that said I couldn't just blog about nothing..but maybe I missed that piece of paper..perhaps I was drunk that day...
Back to my point...
IF someone does not want to read this..then they shouldn't..they should go find a really interesting blog about saving the endangered mountain rhinos in Indonesia and leave my self-absorbed musings to ME..and Will because he LIKES reading this!!
I am pretty sure I warned people in the beginning that there would be nothing worthwhile here anyway...

In any case, I am sure that the word "I" will continue to show up a lot.. because that is just the phase I am in right now..and maybe that's because in real life I am spending a lot of my time with my son..like a good mother does..or maybe because I teach middle school and they take a lot out of me too..who KNOWS???!!! But I can pretty much guarantee that this will continue to be a place where I pretty much talk about me and whatever the hell I feel like..so I say don't tune in..and don't leave mean messages if you don't sign your name..UGH..

Now I'm going to go and dig out my trophy and polish it and maybe put it on the mantle..hmmm...
Self-absorbed indeed.