Over the past few days I have come to the sudden shocking realization that soon I am going to be a mother and I know absolutely nothing about it. At least this is how I feel. We only went to one day of our two day baby class and I am starting to worry that I missed all the important stuff and when he's born, the nurses just might say: "Oh no, no. Sorry. You just aren't going to do this well. We'll just take him down to the Good Mother Ward."
On the way to see Dr. Doolittle yesterday, I stopped at Barnes and Noble and thought about buying every book on the shelves about motherhood. Instead I bought two: What to Expect, The First Year, because this will answer all the serious questions, and Sippy Cups Aren't for Chardonnay..because I need to read something by someone who was just as panicked as I am. And if wine is in the title, it must be a good motherhood book.
So far my favorite part of the book is when she describes The Tit Terrorists..those people who think that breast feeding is the ONLY way to feed a baby.
I am coming to the conclusion that I will not be a breast feeder, and with this realization comes a lot of guilt. He isn't even here yet and I feel guilty. Couldn't I at least miss his soccer game or something before I have to feel guilty?
But it is hard to be funny or lighthearted about something that society has put such a HUGE amount of stock into.
Personally, it really isn't anyone's business, if you were to ask me. But no one seems to be asking me for advice on baby care right now and that's probably because I have the "deer-in-the-headlights" look about me.
In any case, I have decided that if anyone asks me something I don't want to answer I will think: Tit Terrorist, which will immediately make me laugh and forget all about their question or opinion, which I really didn't need or want anyway.
"Why don't we get Special Kitty cat food? It's only $3.00 for 20 pounds! Come on! We should!"
"Will, we are not buying $3.00 cat food. It is too cheap. That's ridiculous. I can't do it. I've never even heard of this brand."
Let me say RIGHT NOW..that I am fairly smart. Maybe I don't come across that way right now because I can't remember how to get home or what day it is..but that is due to "baby brain"..I DO have a master's degree. I am sure my smarts will come back when he is born. Ahahahaha...BUT BUT..I would not allow Will to buy cheap cat food at Wal-Mart and BECAUSE of that..our cats are still alive. This makes me smart. Doesn't it?
I am convinced that Will knew about the contaminated pet food problem WEEKS ago and was going to see if he could finally kill them.
Of course this is ridiculous. He could not have known that all of those pet foods would be recalled INCLUDING Special Kitty, BUT BUT.."You would have found a way to blame me anyway, " is a very good point, and it's true. I would have blamed him if the cats had kicked the bucket.
At our shower last weekend our friend Angie had the two of us play a game. I had to fill in the blanks to questions that Will had already answered.
"During your pregnancy Will would you describe you as blank and blank."
"Happy and calm?"
"No..hormonal and anxious."
"Oh, huh."
"When you call Will at work, what is it usually about?"
"How much I love him?"
"No, you call to yell at him for stopping at Caribou for coffee on the way to work."
"I do? Oh, huh."
"What is the first thing Will said when he found out you were pregnant?"
"I am so happy?"
"No. Is it mine?"
"Really? Huh."
Oh you can see where this is going. OBVIOUSLY we have been seeing this pregnancy and my behavior through different glasses. Namely, mine are rosy and his are CLEAR.
Will and I have known each other and been in love for a year. A lot has happened in a year. We bought a townhouse, we got pregnant, we got engaged. That's a lot of stuff. I love Will more every single day. I love him more now that he is going to be the father of this little guy. I love him more now that I have gotten to know more about him, like he always puts ice in his milk. And during basketball games is NOT the time to talk about ANYTHING, if I want him to answer honestly.
I love him more now because he really does love the cats, I just KNOW it.
I have been in a pregnancy fog, so sometimes I don't think about the past..I forget I had a past. This is nice, in a way..my past wasn't so great. But I do remember that I wasn't going to settle, and that is why I think my life with Will is so wonderful. I didn't settle.
I am very nervous. There is a lot ahead of us. I am worried about being the Stepford Wife now..not the girlfriend. But I also know that I am not alone..and this is helping immensely. Because he is right here with me.
And I really don't think I yelled at him for stopping at Caribou. I am sure I was just being inquisitive. Really.
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