Out of the Woodwork

I am drinking a diet tonic water with a splash of lime juice and pretending it's a Grey Goose tonic.
Shut up.
Just shut up.

Well it's spring and our small town is coming to life. Everyone is coming out of the woodwork.
Even some bugs that we didn't kill last Fall. I just saw an old wasp nosedive onto the window sill. He isn't long for this world.

Our neighbors have emerged. And really I don't know where to go with this except to say that our weird neighbor has no teeth. She HAD teeth in the Fall. She did. She is also the one who believes it's okay to feed a baby beer, sooo really it shouldn't come as a surprise..but nevertheless..I was surprised.
You will recall the couple we tried to hide from all last summer? This is her.
Winter was heavenly. No one comes out in the winter. But now that it's warm...they're baaaackkk.

Okay to the teeth.
Yesterday Will and I took a walk before dinner.
Oh God the cat just jumped in our brand new Graco baby car seat. Shit.
Okay..he's out after I screamed at the top of my lungs.
To the teeth.
On our walk we spotted their daughter riding her bike towards us. "Don't talk to her. Ignore her. We don't want conversation."
She's four! So you can see how desperate we are to stay away from them.
As the walk continued her parents came out to the street to greet us.
The mother now has a shaved head and as she opened her mouth to speak...no teeth.
Not one..not a tooth anywhere and believe me, I was searching.
My first thought was maybe I was seeing things, but no, no..there WERE NO TEETH.
My thirty year old neighbor has no teeth. I wasn't surprised by the hair. I mean it was sort of Britney Spears-ish, but the teeth..that about put me over the edge.
Where the HELL do we live?
I have been trying to call my brother, who is in his third year of dental school.
I want an explanation, but really I think we can all just decide together that our neighbor does meth and what seems like a decent housing development has gone to crap.

"At least she can't bite you."
This was my mother looking on the bright side.

Really I just can't write anymore. Our neighbor has no teeth.
Will's grandpa doesn't have teeth but he's 90!!!
Can you see why I am drinking a pretend vodka tonic now?