Prada at the Park

There are times when I dread leaving my naughty kids to go and teach someone else's naughty kids.
Because let me tell you that a four year old and a 12 year old are not that different.
One just thinks he knows it all and doesn't have a problem telling you.
I take that back.
There is no difference at all.
At times this year, dropping my babies at daycare has been torturous and I have wanted to do nothing but snatch them up and drive home, snuggle all day, watch Bubble Guppies, color and eat macaroni and cheese.
At other times, like at the park today, I have been reminded that work is good for me, and I don't know if I could stay home.
Now look, I am not bashing mom's who don't work outside the home.  I think it's pretty clear there's enough to do there to keep a mom pretty damn busy.
And if someone knocked on the front door right now and said, "Will just doubled his income, stay home with your kids," I wouldn't punch them in the brain and slam the door.
I'd probably stay home with my kids.
So I think I've covered myself...right?
Okay so let's just move on to my morning at the park.
After settling Maren nicely into the swing...after chasing her around the big kids playground for 45 minutes..and rescuing Keegan from the monkey bars as he screamed "I'm stuck!! Mama!  I'm stuck!" causing his sister to  roll her eyes in disgust..I was able to eavesdrop on the convo going on next to me..
Three gals were pushing their children on the swings..There is something really uneven about three moms going to the park together.
You know that two are super tight and the third is probably just a tag along, or it gives two of the moms someone to "one up".  Just wait.
 Mom #1 and #2: Could have been sisters. Maybe they were.   Dressed in designer jeans and sunglasses. Because you know, jeans are super comfy at the park!   Long hair swept back into high complicated pony-tail braid-like hair-do's that took at least a whole Elmo DVD that morning to be able to perfect.
Mom #1 holding a tiny baby in one arm, while pushing her preschool son on the swing.
Mom #2: Pushing preschool aged son on swing.
Mom #3:  Maternity jean shorts.  Loose ponytail, slightly askew.  Pushing preschool son on swing.  My guess is:  new in the neighborhood.  Poor thing.
Let's listen, shall we?
Mom #1:  "I just don't understand how he could say that..I mean he's in front of one of the largest congregations, and if he claims that HE..."
Mom #2:  "I know..he said that if he didn't raise the funds then he would step down..."
Mom #1:  "As if-"
Mom #3:  Silence. Push. pause  Push. pause.
Wait. Hold up.
Were these women bashing their pastor?
Yes.  Yes.  I think so!
Oh wow. Can you do this? Isn't a pastor kind of like your boss??
Look, I have done my fair share of complaining about a boss. For FIVE YEARS...I had to deal with things that some people have never had to deal with in their careers, but my boss wasn't working for GOD...
I know that for a FACT.
Quickly I glanced to the sky for signs of lightning..locusts..something...
Was Mom #3 wishing she'd stayed home?
Back to the eavesdropping..
Dammit!  Keegan was stuck again..Seriously, Keegan get some arm muscles.
Okay now back to the eavesdropping.
Ooooh! The conversation had turned to every woman's favorite topic...drumroll please......
WEIGHT!!
Oh you know it was coming!
Mom #2:  "I just have a little more to go.  I just am carrying around about 10 extra pounds."
Mom #1:  "I just have to get rid of this" (points down) Did she just point at her newborn?  Is she saying she needs to get rid of the baby?  Is that her extra WEIGHT?
What is wrong with these women?  Is God listening to this???
Mom #3:  Silence.  Is Mom #3 wishing they had never bought in the neighborhood?
Well of course!  The poor woman is PREGNANT!  And now she's hanging out with women who talk about losing weight.  Sucks doesn't it, sister?  I've been there. I almost wanted to give her a little back pat of sympathy...but I couldn't reveal my cover.
Mom #1:  "So they had sizes for everyone..." (Glances at Mom #3.)  "But no one really bought anything.
Mom #2:  "I already have a Prada shirt.  I didn't really need anything else."
Mom #3:  She's got nothin'.  I think she was taking a pregnancy nap with her eyes open. Either that or meditating. Good for her!
I don't want to reveal the park because you never know when Sleeping with the Enemy might start looking for me again, but look, my kids weren't playing in friggin' Beverly Hills.
PRADA?  Are you insane lady. Just shut it.  You're pushing your preschooler on a swing in a park in a suburb that gets ridiculed more than any other suburb in the state.
Pipe down.  And unless Prada is stamped all over the outside of your damn shirt, no one is going to KNOW it's Prada because THE TAG IS ON THE INSIDE!!!!
So at that point, I had had enough, like the Mormon Mom's blog, I couldn't get back the 15 minutes of my life I had just wasted, and also because Maren had fallen asleep in the swing.
She wasn't impressed either.
I don't honestly think all stay at home moms are boring or shallow.  I happen to know some really creative hard working moms who stay at home.
I also know some really boring, shallow people who work 80 hours a week, so it doesn't really have anything to do with it. What's disappointing to me is that it's hard to find really interesting people with kids my age. Maybe that's what's really bugging me.
In any case, I'll keep up my search and be glad for the few moms I know who are just that cool even if we don't have any designer shirts.