There's A Slight Problem...

The Rachel Green line from Friends that I should probably just have tattoed on my ass would be:

"...I really thought I hit rock bottom today. But today, it's like there's rock bottom, then fifty feet of crap, then me."

because over the past 7 days, I don't know that I could have done more cluster f*cked things.
I don't.
Shall we re-cap?
Oh why not?
Stormed out of IEP, announcing that not only was I a DAMN good teacher, "lady" but I hadn't had a raise in six years.
Not sure how those two things are related, but boy did that leave a mark.
Child no longer in classroom.
Note to you:  feel free to try if wanting high profile child out of classroom.
Managed to lose four more pounds thus causing husband to use the phrase "anorexic" in conversation..as in "You are starting to look anorexic."
This is not a compliment you want from your husband.
Have now been called by name at the local pharmacy as am making weekly trips to pick up antibiotics for both children thus making me feel like one of those neuschwanstein mothers who seeks attention by having sick children.
Am sure that is not the correct term, but am too tired to look it up.
Text my "former" friend, because she will be now, and asked her if she was Jewish.
Yes, I did.
!!!!!??????
Mean to ask, someone. Just not her.
Because in my head, I was thinking about faith and things we had talked about that day and I was wondering things, and sure as shit...
No filter on my text finger.
Thank God, I am not on Facebook.
I would text her to apologize, but she is probably at Temple as we speak, so I will try later.
?????!!!!!!
Called therapist to make an appointment, rambling on about my week, and not sleeping for three weeks and my "behavior".
Therapist called back and said perhaps we should start to meet on a "regular" basis for awhile.
!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ya think?
Here's the deal.
Completely over the edge.
Hmmm...No. Not there yet.
Sleep deprived and stressed.
Yeeeeeeesss.
Recognizing my issues and wanting to fix them so I don't start asking my brother if he's Kurdish?
Yeeeeeeesss.
That is all I can do.
I am so hard on myself all the time. All the time.
I push myself to limits that are not fair:  clean house, dinners prepared,  perfectly behaved classroom, perfectly behaved babies,  perfect relationship with husband, perfectly behaved me. Don't say too much. Don't say too little. Perfect perfect.  I am NOT. I am NOT.
How did I forget?
Because I was too busy trying to fix everything.
Again.
So guess what?
Still learning.
Still growing.
Still trying.
And the nicest thing right now is that I am just going to give myself a break.
I don't really have a choice.
And I'm going to pray that the people who really love me will just hang in there with me.
I am betting a few will.
As long as I stay away from texting for awhile...